Wednesday, January 08, 2014



It tears families apart. Ruins lives. Causes massive amounts of stress. And really when it comes down to it, just causes massive amounts of pain. It eats away at the person addicted and tears apart the families involved. 

I used to see addition go through families and I would think to myself "how sad" but it never really affected me personally. My brother and sister were unfortunate to have lost a very good friend to an addiction and that tore them up inside. My cousin lost her brother to an addiction. Then it hit my family directly.

Its hard to watch someone go through that. Its hard to watch the person struggle daily to stay clean and off of it. Its hard to watch them battle the internal demons that they have. Its hard to watch them fight. Every single day its a fight. And it will be until the day he dies. 

Its really hard as the big sister. I feel like I should be doing more, I feel like I should be there more. I have had days where i just cry because I feel so bad for him. So bad that he was sucked into this hell that only he can pull himself out of. So sad that this is happening to my little brother, my only brother. 

Will he ever be truly happy again? Will he ever smile again? Will he ever love himself again? Did he ever? Will he ever find happiness? Will he ever feel secure enough in his emotions to talk to us instead of resorting to that? 

I don't know. But all I can do is pray everyday that he will be. He tells us that he disappoints us but he didn't. We might be upset and sad this is happening but mostly we are worried. Worried that something terrible could happen to him. Worried that this might consume his life to the point of no return. 

We all wish we could change this, make him be clean. Make him realize that this is the way. And he knows that. But that is the terrible part of addiction. You can know this is bad, you can know this is terrible. But it consumes your life and takes over your soul. We can only stand back and be there for him, make sure he knows that we help him, help him when we can, be there for him. 

Doesn't stop the hurt of wishing we could do more though.


Christy @ My Dirt Road Anthem: A Runner's Blog said...

so sorry you are having to go through this. Sending you and your family lots of prayers and healing. I have a cousin dealing with a horrible addiction right now and I hate how it has torn his family apart.

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