One Year Ago Today....

One year ago today my phone rang at 145AM...

One year ago today my Mother told me that one of the most important people in my life passed away...

One year ago today I felt the most pain I think I have ever felt in my life.

One year ago today I lost my Grams.

Grams was really sick the spring of '10. I was told that she wasn't going to make it and to fly home. I got that phone call at 6pm and was on a plane by 9am the following day. Grams pulled through and things were fine.

I talked to her that Christmas day. I told her that I loved her and she told me something then that she has never said before to me. She considered me as one of her children, like I was her daughter and not a granddaughter.

My Grams and I have had a bond since the day I was born. She was in the labor and delievery room and was one of the first people to hold me. To say she spoiled the crap out of me is an understatement. I was, and will forever be, her girl. When my parents divorced, I moved in with her. It was just me, my cousins (their father died at the age of 35) and Grams. To say that house was chaos 90% of the time is a huge understatement. But all in all, Grams made it amazing and inviting. All. The. Time.

I didn't talk to her again before she died. I know she died holding my cousin J's hand (first grandbaby out of the 22 of us). I know she died surrounded by people who loved her and told her that it was okay. I know she died dreaming of my Grandfather and finally being able to see him again. After 22 years, she was going where she wanted to go. With my Grandfather.

I miss hre. Every single day. I miss her laugh. I miss her voice. I miss HER.I miss everything about her. I wish that we would have had more time together. But even through all of that, I know she is closer to me now in spirit then she was in body for the last 9 years. I know she is my own personal guardian angel. I know she is watching over my son and smiling down from Heaven.

God I miss her.